Thinking Outloud

The instant availability of pornography on the internet is a serious, life-altering problem for some people, leading to secrecy, shame, and addiction. It can ruin a marriage, and ruin a life. But what of the rest of pornography's casual users? Research is beginning to point to the problem of disconnect for men from real sexual experience with their live partners. Men (who are the heaviest users of pornography of all kinds) can become so accustomed to the rush and impersonal nature of pornography they can lose attention, desire and connection with their own partners. Here's a recent article from TIME Magazine: Does Men's 'Bond' with Porn Ruin Them for Real-Life Sex?

Why We Like Living Here :-)

While most of us who marry intend it to be for a lifetime, about half of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce. Divorce ends not only a couple relationship based at least initially on attraction, trust and commitment; it marks the end of a dreamed future as a family. Despite the pain that most divorces bring, the desire to be happily married doesn’t seem to end, since most of those who divorce will eventually remarry. Marrying at any age or stage of life is a challenge and a good deal of personal work and adjustment, but choosing to marry for the second (or more) time brings with it some additional complications. The most prominent complexity involves entering into an already existing family system as stepparent to the new spouse’s children. As a therapist, I have noticed that a strategy for entering into relationship with the new spouses’ children seems to always take a back seat to the excitement, distractions and stresses of a new love, moving into

One of my professional supervisors recently referred someone to my practice for couples counseling. A day or so later, my colleague got an angry call from this same person, wanting to know why he gave him my name. Did he actually know who I was?! Of course, my colleague said. I gave you her name because she's a very good therapist. I looked her up online. Have you read that newspaper column about the Church? he countered. Well, yes, and I don't think there was anything in that column about the Church and child sex abuse that wasn't true, my mentor said. After some other choice words, the caller asked for a different referral. I think that's what we call client "self selecting."   One of the risks of writing or speaking in public is that people may actually listen to you. Since most if not all of what I write would be considered persuasive speech, what happens as a matter of course is that some people will agree with me, and some people won't. And

Yes, most mentally ill people are not violent. Thanks to the USPRA for such a wonderful professional reflection on the violent attack in Arizona. USPRA Issues Statement on Tucson Shooting      January 13, 2011 The US Psychiatric Rehabilitation Association released the following statement in reaction to Saturday’s Tucson shooting in Arizona: In wake of Tucson’s tragic shooting that shook America over the past weekend, we wish Congresswoman Giffords and the 13 other wounded individuals a speedy recovery, and our thoughts and prayers go out to all of those whose lives were impacted by this act of horrific violence. With such senseless acts, we often search for someone or something to blame. The assassination attempt on Congresswoman Giffords has generated considerable speculation around the mental condition of the suspected shooter, which has heightened the stigma associated with mental illness. We must remember that there is a weak link between mental illness and violence. Accor

Here's how I wrote about the shooting in Arizona for the Savage Pacer this weekend : Spiritual Reflections: How we use our words has impact on our lives